2018 – My Theme Was Kindness And Showed Up Through My Dog’s Death
When my beloved dog Frank was dying I really couldn’t experience the “special time with him” that so many others encouraged me to have. I was deeply rooted in the terrible pain of losing him, but more importantly, and quite selfishly – what the loss would mean for me.
I feared losing that so much that I couldn’t experience those “special moments” with him. And it’s not because I didn’t love him, it was because his life, who he was, was gone.
He was a skeleton that loved me so much and tried to protect me from the pain of losing him by staying alive. When in reality his life force was being sucked out of him day by day as he aged.
For many years Frank was one of the greatest joys of my life, I would simply look at him and smile and feel happy inside. His life represented everything that was alive within me. And as he was dying in the final six months of his life he represented everything that was dying, and had died within me.
It reminded me so much of the Tower Card in a Tarot deck. It represents the things in life that we spend so much time fearing – and as a result, we lose focus on the wonderful things that we did create.
I think growing up in an alcoholic family where every moment was lived in the reflection of what could go wrong, I simply never knew how to live in the idea of – what could possibly go right? Frank was a darling awakening of what could, and did, go right in my life.
And as I look back at Frank’s life I remember how happy I was that he was here, how much he loved me, and how much fun I had with him.
Frank was the first dog I ever had that didn’t just love me… he liked me too. It can be challenging to cite the difference, but some dogs get excited when you feed them or pay attention to them. Well, in actuality all of them do that, however, Frank chose to be with me over any experience – even food.
If I walked away with anything from my Tower Year I would say that I have truly learned to like being with me as well.
My theme this year was kindness, and as I look back, I can see just how kind an animal Frank was. I am now aware that my theme was realized in his death. He was so very kind, (not all pets are), and now I can see how my theme brought about this magical awareness.
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P.S. The magic of my theme every year has been the tremendous growth and awareness I gain. OH! I forgot… it’s a class I offer once a year… lol.
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