Cleaning Out the Friendship Drawer
When I was little if there was stagnant energy in the house my mother used to say:
Go Clean out your sock drawer…
Being alone during Christmas is a time for me to think deeply about what I really do want in the coming year. Monday December 19th is my birthday, and I will go get a haircut, manicure and go to the North Carolina Arboretum to see the Christmas Lights.
This time of year gives me time to rethink about life. I love to review and look back. I take stock of what I focused on during the year. The highs, the lows. What I avoided, and what I embraced.
In 2016, I bought a new home in Asheville, NC. Got a new puppy, gained 30 pounds, moved away from punishing friends, and turned inside.
I began creating a home. And I decided that I did not want to continue selling my candles and jewelry. Not because I didn’t enjoy it, but because I didn’t want to hire a staff to maintain it.
I returned to my spiritual club, and stopped being “nice…”
Over a year ago, I was visiting with a friend who is a life coach. He asked me about my real dream. What did I really want… and I confessed:
I just want to make my living as a writer.
He balked – No one does that, it’s impossible.
I was angry.
I immediately recognized that he was my mirror, and one I had to change. In that moment our friendship ended. He didn’t know it. He had no way of knowing that I stopped caring about or liking him. My work was about embracing that part of me that had doubts and love it to a new recognition where I knew I could do this.
Then it hit me; there are still those dangerous demi-Gods out there – acting coaches who expect students to kiss their rings, Churches that torment people who try to leave and people who do not want you to succeed where they fail. I’ve come to understand they exist as checkpoints for me. I have learned to spot them, but more importantly, they no longer exist in my life.
That means that the most dangerous people in the world are those who try to censor you or try to usurp your gifts in any way. RUN.
It’s not that our words are always right, or our opinions are gospel. It’s that we’ve become a society where to disagree is to risk being ostracized. You’re an outcast if you don’t agree.
Let’s go deeper, shall we?
In Harriet Lerner’s book, The Dance of Anger, she states that the person yelling is not the one who is angry.
The Angry people are those who have been forgotten. Those who are told they can’t make a living as a writer, those who are told their voice doesn’t count.
The breaking point must be when anyone expects you to marginalize yourself so they can be superior.
I have another friend who is battling a serious illness alone; when I sent him a facebook anthology of a friend who was dying and reaching out, sharing his story and including others on his journey; he blasted me:
How could I be so insensitive?
He assumed I was thoughtless. When that was not my intention. Clearly my intention was misunderstood and since his blast had come in the form of a text…so it was returned in kind by me:
So sorry. That was not my intention. I apologize.
You may wonder why I never questioned my “coach” friend. My sense is that he is only coming from his own experience – there’s no point in trying to get him to see the underlying feeling. Why point out how much he resents me?
He does not make a living as a writer, so therefore it’s not possible for me.
Honestly, I spent my life chi trying to get people to see my perspective, and then one day I didn’t want to anymore. I’d rather observe and delete if necessary.
I took stock of my ill friend who I’ve known more than 20 years: he has never said a kind word to me. He has never once called to see how I’m doing or complimented me. If I say anything positive to him, he disregards it, then within a year or two “discovers” this the insight from another source, never once acknowledging my contribution.
What of my friend the coach? Same thing. His entire world is about processing those around him. I simply don’t want to be processed into a box he chooses. The unwritten code is: either I comply or I get cut out. No room for me. Time to say goodbye to any relationship that is not clean.
So why am I alone this holiday season?
I have two dear friends who live near me and both will be out of town. That’s fine. I’m still finding my way in my new town.
What I’m also doing is changing my internal reality. I’m choosing my Theme for the year. I’m prepping for my yearlong weekly journey with my CHAKRA WISDOM ORACLE TOOLKIT in January with my Intuitive Insider Club AND looking forward to taking that wonder-filled path with those who want to take it with me.
I am seeing where I envision my life next Christmas, and choosing my friends like individual heirloom Christmas ornaments. I now choose to be around people I can treasure year after year.
Being grown up means taking responsibility, it does not mean tolerating what I no longer vibe with or trying to change people who, for whatever reason only see me as the bad guy.
Love to all of you during Christmas. I’ll be snuggling with my pets, writing and watching Hallmark movies!
P.S. If our paths coincide… I look forward to connecting this year.
P.P.S. It’s not too late to get your Chakra Wisdom Card Deck or Toolkit for Christmas – Click Here