The Danger of Public Shaming and Tools to Live Into Your Gifts Now

 In blog, News

I received a comment on a Facebook post I put up the other day. Now anyone who knows social media, knows that it is the wild west of opinions. But did I miss the memo?

When did it become OKAY to use Facebook as a public shaming arena?

First, I’d like to show you the post, the comment and my reply. Then let’s go behind the scenes as I breakdown for you, which Chakra it assaulted, my response, and how most responses never really clear the issue. Ready?

My post:

How appropriate that here we are in the first week of a NEW year. Easy does not always mean that something will turn out well, anymore than difficult means or something seemingly bad will turn out anything less than spectacular. I hope you will join me this year on the Journey through the Chakra Wisdom Toolkit! Click here to get all the info about joining me for the year! Can’t wait! With Love, Tori

 geranium

Comment from Meredith: (not her real name)

And how much does someone pay someone that was given a gift?

 

My Response:

Hmmm, like Doctors, who have the gift of healing, or singers who have the gift of music, or Authors who spend years, hours and sweat working, honing their craft? Or the “hey you’re an artist, can’t you just create this little flyer? It’ll only take you a minute.” Hard to say Meredith (name changed), every gift we are given…

Since I spent over $100k of my own money self-publishing the Chakra Wisdom Cards when no one would, and with my last $5K I put up a website for people to try my cards free, because I had nothing to lose… and then miracles happened… people bought the deck. It became successful. Then, with what little I had left I traveled to London and found a publisher who took the deck on. It became a bestseller. I then invested more money and time giving away lessons and free info for people to learn the cards. Soon after, to keep giving away what I could I had to hire a staff, now I had another company, working 17 hours a day to support others in their journey. My Intuitive Insider Club is $347 for the entire year. 52 weeks. With me. No other card creator teaches their material like this – with this level of access to me. That means – with 20 people, I’ll make around 7,000 dollars. After I pay everyone else, I’ll be barely breaking even. The answer to your question? Why should you pay to go see a movie? Those people have gifts. You’re entitled to it free right? Your question is what makes EVERY artist who has ever quit, quit, and those who are unstoppable continue to be. You are saying “Who are you to shine your light and be paid?” And honestly Meredith, what this reveals is your need to shut someone else down, because someone shut you down. What makes this kind of thinking dangerous is that there are those out there who will quit, curl into a ball and slink away over this kind of question… the shrill “Who do you think you are?!” that every sensitive person avoids, shrivels up when they hear. And, I will not allow you to get away with it. Everyone has a gift, few really want to invest in developing it.

*****

There are so many gifted, talented, juicy wonderful people who simply never start anything because of fear, no; terror of the Meredith’s of the world. The schoolyard bully who shines the light on our most deep vulnerability, points to it and laughs.

I had a Meredith growing up. Did you? The one who was cool only because her mouth was bigger than Brooklyn, and while no one really liked her, I think of it like a loudspeaker. When you’re behind it, everything’s fine, but the moment you take one step in front the microphone causes that shrill screech forcing you to run back into place.

The Meredith’s are the Loud Speakers.

In reality, Meredith called me names, shoved me and found ways to kick, punch, pinch, threaten, and in public make sure that I was isolated. Looking back, I can see it was because there was a magic to the little girl I was. I was a bit of a free spirit who hummed to myself all through class and the boys liked me, although I didn’t dare like anyone or Meredith would point her loudspeaker my way. I think others were relieved it was me and not them being assaulted. And who wouldn’t?

I think my self-esteem would have survived Meredith if it wasn’t for my mother’s own inability to process her pain, and she interjected her undeveloped gifts in me, a wide open, walking Yes for love. Listen, love and admiration was all I wanted. I was trained that love and admiration would soon bring shaming and I simply did not have what it took to withstand it, so I avoided the limelight and kept myself small for many years.

Public shaming was humiliating for me, and even after my mother succumbed to the disease of alcoholism when I was 15, I still tried to hide and stay below the radar. Attention meant humiliation.

Change would come: What I had not yet learned was: what you skip, stops you.

I had no idea that it was the visitations from the angels (that would develop into the Chakra Wisdom Oracle Cards), were tools gifted to me to live a life of freedom. They contained ideas and concepts of healing and growing; deep understanding and love that I’d never experienced.

Today I can look back and see that I was always using my “gifts,” that I always created money from creative efforts…however, it was the lessons I learned from the Chakra Wisdom Oracle original fables that taught me to value it.

As I began working with the Original Fables all those years ago, value came into my life. I shared them with others and they too began to value who they were and their gifts.

Let’s go back to  Meredith’s thinly veiled statement…

People with a gift should give it away because they got it free.

It initially ping’d my first chakra, my roots, family of Origin beliefs. These are all uncovered in the Red Chakra Wisdom Oracle Fables. I knew what it caused in me, yet I did not defend myself. In fact, it erupted my sixth chakra, my intuitive side and like a mother cub, I had to shut this kind of bullying down. I was tapping into family of Origin strength and multi-generational healing which is in the 6th Chakra Fables of the Toolkit. By activating my first chakra, I became aware, but it was the power of the 6th Chakra that mobilized my anger.

So when I read her response (“And how much does someone pay someone that was given a gift?”) I SAW Red, then calmed into the tools of my sixth chakra. My anger allowed me to reveal the bully to others and state that we all have gifts, and it is up to us to use them. And if we don’t use our gifts can: become a bully, an alcoholic, a gambler, overeater… you get the idea.

Does her statement bring up an emotion in you? Do you see the key word that makes it an assault? The word: And.

If that word wasn’t in that question, the answer would be simple: whatever value or price the market allows. Right?

Why go deeper?

Because now, these days I feel like the old lady on my porch with a broom telling the neighborhood troublemaker to scram. This woman didn’t insult me, or intimidate me, and she will never stop me… but

She enrages me.

Not for me, but for all of us. For those out there who go around shutting down impressionable people who have outstanding, mindblowing gifts that I want to see or hear or experience.

Think of your favorite singer, painter, doctor, poet, writer or anyone else you admire… what if this level of shaming hit that person at the right moment and THEY gave up? I remember seeing an interview with the actor Colin Farrell who said he almost gave up after he was so badly reviewed in a film.

Anyone who tries to minimize YOUR value is bullying you.

I have spent my life studying and working with the Chakra Wisdom Oracle fables.

The Chakra Wisdom Oracle Cards, started as the fables, and as I worked with them grew my personal value and watched others do the same in mastermind groups they morphed into the deck.

I am profoundly honored to see how many successfully gifted, and talented people who are using their gifts today – from an Academy Award winning artist, to a young successful Producer and Mom, to bestselling authors…

It wasn’t only the perseverance and the support, it was the journey with the fables that gave them the ability to spot shamers, know instantly it wasn’t about them and move past it.

How many people get stopped because someone in the past shut them down and now they get stopped at the same point?

Too many.

The 52 Week Journey with the Lost Fables built upon in their own Chakra that they uncovered and discovered as we journeyed together in fable study groups.

Listen, my response to her didn’t clear her issue, it won’t. This is for us. Those of us who are on the path!

Those of us who refuse to die with our gifts undeveloped.

Who want to be fearlessly ourselves.

And as my friend Claire Zammit says, “Fiercely Protect” our feminine (or creative) side.

This experience reminded me that somehow over the years, I have become unstoppable.  This is one of the most profound aspects of the Chakra Wisdom Oracle fables.

What I want for you is to become unstoppable inspired.

I learned what was really going on and how to step away from it.

toolkitPeople contact me all the time wanting to master the cards and ask me if I’m teaching them. My question is this: Why not master your internal Chakra journey AND you will master these cards beyond your wildest dreams?

Those who see the value of this rare opportunity with me by joining the Intuitive Insider Club and meeting weekly with me to be inspired by your own strength, intuition and sheer joy you’ve been suppressing will get this.

People like Meredith will always be on the sideline criticizing and threatening. The difference is, when you’re running a marathon, you can’t hear them over the cheering crowds.

This year, make it a year where you find support beyond what you can imagine right now. If that means join in with what I’m doing, c’mon down.

If not, don’t let the Meredith’s dictate who you are, or what you’ll do. EVER.

Lots of Love,

Tori

PS Here’s the link to get all the deets on the club.

Showing 19 comments
  • Shannon Seek

    Tori — Glad you see your value!!! And, remind us all to see ours. And, then pray for grace for those saying “it’s not fair that….” until we are all surrounded by nurturing, healing LOVE.

    When someone has a gift and they are sharing it is worth MORE on so many levels. Often it is PRICELESS. Any such shared gift is ideally honored with compensation for the value given! It has seen for all it take to bring it forth, too (appreciated).

    Innate talent and gifts can’t be bought and worn like clothes! That hardly makes them free, cheap or easier to “have” in any way. Growing, maintaining and improving usually cost time, money or both!

    Gifted people need to hear it, see it and feel it to get their gifts. Because that feedback alone means SO much, it can be easier to “give it all away” until the gifted person gets their own gift. (It is tricky and DOABLE! Even if it takes postit notes on the fridge, mirror, computer and more to make it happen — “My xyz GIFT has xyz value.”)

    • Tori Hartman

      Shannon! A great idea for all of us! Love it!!! Thank you thank you… my soul sister. x

  • Jenny Jones

    Well said Tori. Some people just have to try to ruin everyone else’s dream. I can say now that I have received so much from you and others for free and with that, answered the questions and gave me the desire to keep learning more. Oh and I have bought your fantastic cards and the book is on its way, my choice as I appreciate the time and effort and resources that goes into this and helping my future. Thank you again for all you do.

    • Tori Hartman

      Big Hug Jenny!
      x

  • Leigh

    Well said Tori, its easier to be a criticize then to lift. And I am so sure she has never done anything out of the square box before. It take a lot of hard work dedication and mental stamina to do what you do. Forget about it never happen.

  • Susanne

    Everything is a mirror to our innertruth. You know what I saw in her question. I saw someone who had the gift herself but did not know how to value it for herself. Who could not see her owm value. The little and did not change that perspective for me. I think this is a wonderful example of how everything is a mirror of what we need to heal whitin ourselves. Keep shining. I always use to say. If you think someone is behaving like an a-hole. Find out where it connects in you and remove that shit for good. I will work with this issue myself. I wasnt aware of that I felt this

    • Tori Hartman

      Susanne –
      II never thought she was an a-hole. I felt it was dangerous behavior. My life work is around supporting others’ voices and the right to have them. I can see how your seeing a person with a gift but did not know how to value it for herself, who could not see her own value is a mirror to your inner truth. That’s not my story, just like the And didn’t resonate with you. It’s our ability to see ourselves in the story and as you said the inner truth is key!

      Thanks for writing in.. x Tori

  • Nedise

    Wow, I am so glad you said all that. I am so curious about the “And” that made it an attack. What was it about the “and?” I think you are right, but I would like to hear and understand more about why. How is it that that darn “and” makes it such a challenge and a shaming? Is it somehow turning your own statements against you ?

    It hit me in the third chakra. Bullies are the worst.

    Love you. Love your work. I really admire what you do and am so glad you put yourself out there. I am thinking about doing more of that but so afraid of the shame. Still, I am determined…

    • Tori Hartman

      Hi Nedise;
      The word “And” at the beginning of Meredith’s sentence is the key.. the intonation implies a challenge. Remember when we were little? When we were being spoken down to, sentences often began with, And where were you? vs. Where were you? The word And implies that we need to defend and explain, while without the And, it’s simply explaining, or giving an answer to the question.

      Remove the And, and re-read the sentence. Can you feel the energy?

      Much Love,

      Tori

      • Nedise

        Totally. Thank you for explaining. It made my skin crawl, but I couldn’t figure out why, exactly. I think my Mom used to preface stuff with that “And”. It immediately makes one feel small. These are the little nuances of language which fascinate, but they are very hard to quantify.

        It also goes with a certain look on the face, and a tone of voice. Scary.

        Thanks again.

  • Lindsey Harrison

    Dear Tori,
    That was an amazing article and a very good read. It is very uplifting for when others knock you down. I’d like to add that your worth is not just about money its also about what you have studied and had to learn to get to the point you are at now. Plus the clearing of emotional stuck energy which you heal and clear to work with spirit and your guides as well as the spiritual wisdom you learn. My answer to those that are like Meredith is quite simply, can you do that and would you put all the time, effort and your own money into doing all Tori and others do?
    God Bless You
    Namaste,
    Lindsey Harrison. UK.

    • Tori Hartman

      Lovely Lindsey. Thank u x

  • Kimberley

    Wow Tori, talk about pushing buttons! Everything I read from “Michelle” was what I have heard. It was almost a knee jerk reaction for me to go back into the corner. I have been called a “dreamer” by my family and I know how that shaming feels. Sadly I am still there on some levels. Hoping to stand up and try again. I admire your “chutzpah” and strength. You are a trailblazer and an inspiration. Thank you for all you do!

  • Kate

    Bravo Tori! I’ve always been in awe of your story and truly admire your strength and your “feel the fear and do it anyway” attitude. You give strength to others and I love your work/passion/dedication/sharing to others.

  • Kate

    Bravo Tori! I’ve always been in awe of your story/Journey. Your “feel the fear but do it anyway” attitude. Thank you for sharing ALL that you do.

  • Karen

    Well said, Tori. This is a good example of using anger energy for education. I began a program for senior to senior bullying (Yes! I was so surprised by these behaviours- we older adults are not necessarily wise.) During our exploration we found that learning how to respond to bullying is the key. Which means changing our own behaviour, not the bully’s. Very hard concept for some. You have set good boundaries and I congratulate you.

  • Silvia

    Dear Tori,
    Thank you so much! This has been such a big thing for me ever since I’ve started doing private readings. I’ve encountered many “Meredith” who would send me intimidating messages or leave angry comments on my videos and on my facebook page telling me that I should be ashamed of myself for asking for money in exchange of my gifts. And those “nasty” comments came regardless if I was charging 20 or 200 euros. Just the other day a person commented on my latest video complaining that I charge far too much and that I take advantage of people.He publicly shamed me. Like you I felt very angry but I resolved to remove the comment and not to reply as it could have been counter productive. I also realised that this person was pointing out to me that I still need to heal some parts of myself, so it was really a reflection of my own beliefs.
    Like you said, I’ve invested a lot of money and energy (and continue to invest) both in my undergraduate and graduate education and in my spiritual development. I make sure that I know what I’m doing when I perform a reading and that I’m nourishing and supporting the client. Moreover I divulge a lot of information for free!

    I copied your article in my personal journal so that I can re-read your lovely message any time I feel attacked or ashamed of myself. It reminds me of all the challenges and fears I’ve had to overcome before becoming who I am today. A Meredith will never stop me from using my gifts to uplift others and to sustain myself!

    <3<3<3

  • Lisa Allen MH

    What makes this story all the more incredible is the fact it can happen in spiritual communities. In fact, it is quite often in these communities! Good for you to stand up for yourself and your work, and to set an example to everyone to learn from either side of the fence: bullying or giving up. We are in a time now where all of us are allowed to be significant, and to allow others to be significant. There is no room now for mediocrity! 😀 So for years doing intuitive consultations, I have been asked how I can charge money if spirituality is free. I say spirituality is free, but my time and my crafted expertise are not free. My rates are set to allow me to continue to serve as empowerment and healing on all levels to not only my clients, but that this is also a contribution toward making the world a better place for everyone. Wonderful to see this Tory! 😀 <3

    • Tori Hartman

      Lovely Lisa! I love your thoughts on this. x

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