You’re NOT Angry. You’re IN Anger. And other Card Reading Musings…

 In blog, Communication, Meditation, Multi-Generational Healing, Neutral Observer, Spiritual Advisors, Spirituality, Tori Thoughts


I have taken to writing a Monday minor rant on my FB page. I’m having a blast with it, and enjoying my anger! Last week I posted about children being left in hot cars and dying. Horrifying! And I ranted about how many gadgets and gizmos we have and yet we don’t have something to send a warning to parents and the police that a child is still in the car. Like an alarm in a child seat…


One woman suggested that “Perhaps you need to look at your own past and see where your family wounding is making you so angry.”

LOL. Really?

Honestly, that threw me into anger. Who the heck was she? Well, she is someone who tried to create a spiritual TV station and interviewed spiritual luminaries and somewhere along the line decided her knowledge of how to be should be projected onto others.

My response was “What could you possibly benefit from trying to fix or correct my behavior?”

She gave me a wink emoticon and wrote “Looks like I touched a nerve.”

I began to respond with “What outcome could you possible want except to prove how superior and wise you are?” but then, in a moment of clarity, I removed the thread instead.


Because her issues are not mine.

This woman represents spiritual superiority. Once they uncover how to be “spiritual” they feel it’s their duty in life to apply to you trite bumper sticker sayings to your life yet go out in the world, start a coupon business and then go belly-up leaving hundreds of people out thousands of dollars… yes she did that.

So why are these difficult personalities so hell bent on fixing others?

Because they want to look good.

This is a direct result of the brain taking over, giving advice and overriding their intuition, which would probably offer them the opportunity to observe how THEY felt and give them the chance to really connect to others. An intuitive response might look like  “Wow, your post makes me want to correct you and help you see something about how you’re trying to rescue everyone. That must mean it’s my deepest need!”

This would then give me a chance to reply with something like “Ironically, my work is all about how WE relate to the issue IS the issue; so it’s always about us.”

Unfortunately, the impulse of the brain to show (someone else) how bright we are is ingrained in us. And, UN-learning this in order to do deeper spiritual work can be challenging.

I am not a therapist, so I don’t process people like one or misuse spiritual tools to in the name of helping.  I teach how to live intuitively and most of my clients and people that want to learn to read the Chakra Wisdom Oracle are on their way to intuitive facilitating… such amazing and wonderful work!

I think that there is this misnomer in Spiritual circles that we have to always be examining motives, ideas, words and thoughts and help others to do it too. The problem with this is that it supposes that we are all perfect little beings with halos who just sit and meditate all day – and Ohm our way into perfection. But we’re not. We’re human. And some moments take more acceptance than others.

Much of the work I’ve done with the Chakra Wisdom Oracle has been around acceptance; of others as well as myself.

There are 3 ideas that are key to me in this work:

  1. If we choose who to be, then Anger or Upset is a choice. That’s why I say, I’m IN upset or IN Anger. I’m not angry or upset as it does not define me it’s a state I choose in the moment.
  2. I never process others. I support them IN their process. Allowing others to be in upset without it MEANING that they need to look at some issue from their past honors that they choose their life and they can change that state when THEY choose, not because I tell them they need to look at something. I find this incredibly invasive.
  3. I steer clear of advice, that’s a brain activity – instead I listen to others intuitively. Knowing the difference between your brain and your intuition is vital. When you give advice you’re trying to look good to others which is a brain activity, and the message is that they can’t do it themselves. Listening intuitively honors other points of view and offers them the dignity of their process. And in essence it is the art of the empath.

So great to connect with you again, and I do hope this finds you well.

With Love,


In my new book; How to Read the Cards for Yourself and Others – the first half of the book is all about becoming the intuitive reader – and of course there are reversals and deeper ideas too.

To order the new book, go here.

Showing 7 comments
  • Dee

    Hello, Tori.

    What a great post. I admit that I’ve been on both sides of the “issue” of trying to fix people. I cannot speak for the person you had the interaction with. However, for myself, it was because I was feeling broken and figured if everyone else around me could benefit from my “fixing”, and then they were happily along their “fixed road”, my “world” was then safe. Ooooohhhhh, how wrong I was.

    Now, don’t get me wrong. I still have that side to me. I’ve had it since a child, so it’s not that easy to “get rid of”. However, I got to a point in my life where stopped wanting to “get rid of” the “bad/negative” parts of me, especially when the “positivity” movement came along. (Sorry if anyone is offended by that, but I have not one “positive” experience when in that movement.).

    In embracing those “unseemly” parts of me, I’ve learned a heck of a lot more about myself than on any other path I’ve traveresed. As well, I’ve also learned that those “parts” considered “unevolved” by others have made me actually love myself more. It’s difficult to explain. I suppose what I mean may be this: When I read your “reaction” to the different situations you wrote about, and to which I felt a similar “anger”, I wasn’t expecting the “reaction” you received from this person. Because I resonated with it, I was of the mind that anger can be used “positively” because it can change things like maybe installing special alarms like you mentioned, etc.

    Finally, even though I am not a Christian, I wonder how Jesus would have been judged in our “sophisticated” world today when he became angry at the moneylenders, as well as tossed over some tables.

    As you can tell, a nerve in me has definitely been touched. And… I’m glad it is because it means (for me) that I still have a pulse, that I’m just as human as I am spirit, and… that I can feel that way just because I can.

    There… that’s my rant, LOL!!!

  • Elizabeth Hedman

    Thank you for this, Tori! This rang so true to me: “I think that there is this misnomer in Spiritual circles that we have to always be examining motives, ideas, words and thoughts and help others to do it too. The problem with this is that it supposes that we are all perfect little beings with halos who just sit and meditate all day – and Ohm our way into perfection. But we’re not. We’re human. And some moments take more acceptance than others.” It’s so where I’m at. Thank you always for your words of wisdom and perspective! 🙂

  • Alam Octinur

    I’m just thinking that the real issue is that this woman chose to interpret your anger as something to be ‘fixed’ just because it IS a feeling of anger and outrage.

    The issue doesn’t get more basic than this:

    That’s it.

    All people who have hearts should be outraged to see lives wasted, especially the lives of helpless children and animals.

    ALL feelings have reason behind it, whether reasonable or not.

    People should not try to guess the reason or try to fix or deny other people’s feelings.

    People should not push and assume connection between what other people’s feelings and their own beliefs.

    I do not like the way she ASSUMED that you arw ’emotionally wounded’ in some way that traumatizes you into anger at the NEEDLESS LOSS OF A CHILD’S LIFE.

    All feelings are VALUABLE and should be ACKNOWLEDGED and EXAMINED for it to be understood.

    Sometimes anger, sadness, disappointment, etc. are justified, sometimes they are not.

    I think it is wise that you cut off the thread before it gets all knotted.

    My two cents.

    Have a nice day, and hope you have a reason to smile today.

  • Dee

    This really resonated with me, from both sides, of trying to fix and being angry at fixers. Trying to be smart and wise, and interfering all at the same time, wondering why others did not seek out my wonderful advice. Unlearning that reaction is tough at times, catching yourself in time.

    So thank you for this post, great insights.

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